The Question That Haunted Me
If you’ve ever quietly asked yourself “Am I an alcoholic?”—you are not alone. I used to type that question into Google late at night, hoping for a clear answer. Hoping, honestly, that the answer would be no.
But deep down, I think I already knew.
I didn’t look like what people think of when they hear the word “alcoholic.” I wasn’t drinking every day. I wasn’t homeless. I wasn’t waking up in jail. I had good grades in college. I held jobs. I wasn’t one to get into legal trouble.
But I was drinking in a way that was hurting me. Quietly. Slowly. Steadily. And over time, I began losing sight of who I really was.
When “It’s Not That Bad” Was No Longer True
For a long time, I told myself it wasn’t that bad.
Sure, I drank too much sometimes. I spent more money at the bar than I should have. I embarrassed myself a few times. But I wasn’t waking up and drinking first thing in the morning. I wasn’t getting DUIs. I wasn’t hurting anyone… right?
But over time, the excuses started to wear thin.
I was drinking four, sometimes five nights a week. As a result, I was spending hundreds of dollars on alcohol, and more and more nights were becoming a blur. I started getting kicked out of bars. I lost people I cared about. I sacrificed relationships, isolated from my family, and let go of things that once brought me joy.
I started to feel hollow inside—like I was slowly disappearing from my own life.
And that’s when it finally hit me: Maybe I really do have a problem.
Taking That First Step
Eventually, I got tired of waking up in a cycle of shame, guilt, and regret.
Lying to myself became exhausting.
And pretending I was okay when I wasn’t—that became unbearable.
And one day, I decided to do something different.
It wasn’t a dramatic, overnight change. It wasn’t some big, cinematic rock bottom. But something in me broke—in the best way.
I was at my primary care doctor’s office for a routine checkup when I finally broke down. I admitted that I had a problem. It came as no surprise to her—she had been trying to get me to say it for a while. But muttering those words out loud gave her permission to give me what I didn’t even know I needed: real help. In that moment, everything began to shift.
I was an alcoholic. An addict. And I needed professional help.
– Me
She referred me to a recovery center connected to her office.
Walking into that place was one of the scariest things I had ever done…
It made it real.
I was an alcoholic. An addict. And I needed professional help.
But once I sat down with the case manager, something shifted.
The resources were literally laid out in front of me.
They developed a plan.
All I had to do was show up and follow it.
Suddenly, it didn’t feel so scary anymore.
What came next was one of the hardest—and most beautiful—chapters of my life.
I found a community.
Then, I took myself to an AA meeting and met my sponsor.
That’s when I began working the steps.
Along the way, I tried new hobbies.
Slowly, I started finding myself again.
It wasn’t easy. However, it was real.
And it was the beginning of everything changing.
Still Wondering, “Am I an Alcoholic?” Read This
If you’ve found yourself quietly wondering, “Am I an alcoholic?”—please know this:
That question alone doesn’t make you weak.
It makes you self-aware. Brave, even.
It means a part of you already knows that something needs to change… and that part of you deserves to be heard.
You don’t have to hit a dramatic rock bottom.
You don’t have to have all the answers.
And you don’t have to do this alone.
Recovery looks different for everyone. Maybe it starts with a conversation. Maybe with reading this post. Maybe with telling someone the truth for the first time.
Wherever you are, I’m glad you’re here. And when you’re ready, Rise In Sobriety will be here for you—with support, with stories, and with reminders that a better life is possible.
Because it is.
If you’re ready to explore sobriety, I invite you to read more, reach out, or just keep showing up.
